What Hurts The Most
by LOJSS
Summary: Set during 2x09; What Kate Did. "But what she was going to hear next, was nothing compared to anything she'd ever experienced before. It was three words she'd been dreaming to hear."


_Set during 2x09; What Kate Did. Kate's speech to Sawyer before he wakes up; plus adding a little on my own._

_Disclaimer: I do not own LOST.  
_

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**What Hurts The Most  
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Kate walked into the room where Sawyer was laying, where he'd been laying since he got back a few days ago. It pained her to see him like this; so weak and vulnerable. Two sides Kate wasn't used to see of him. After spending over 40 days with this man; acting like he was made out of steel, you almost imagined he_ was_. He played so well, and if you didn't have the ability to see through him; you might would've thought he didn't have feelings.

She hesitated when Sun offered to stay with him. A rush of panic overtook Kate's body at the thought of being alone with him again. God knows she wasn't afraid of Sawyer, as a matter of fact, they'd developed a trust-thing between the two of them and she was sure to death that Sawyer would never do anything on purpose to hurt her. However, she was afraid he'd do a repeat of his earlier actions, though it wasn't Sawyer, but _Wayne. _Her poor, pathetic excuse for a father.

Kate didn't really believe in ghosts, but this island sure has it's ways to play with everybodys minds and as much as she wanted to deny it, she was either going crazy - or ghosts did exist. It was easier to go with the latter; what other explanation would there be?

She told Sun to go back to the beach and took her place beside the bed and watched him for several seconds. She looked around her nervously before she bent down towards his face and spoke the words she'd been dying to say for the last hour.

"Can your hear me?" Kate asked, "Sawyer?" She hesitated before speaking _his_ name. "Wayne?"

Kate sighed a few times before she gathered the courage to say what she wanted to.

"I'm probably crazy. And this doesn't matter. Maybe you're in there. Somehow," She stopped and looked down at Sawyers body. Couldn't he just wake up so she didn't have to do this? So she didn't have to speak the words that would most likely haunt her for nights and nights alone. When no respond was spoken, Kate continued.

"That you're asking me a question. You're asking why I.. why I did it." She stopped once again, memories of the night she blew up the house flooded through her mind. A shiver crept across her skin, all the way from her toes up to her head.

"It wasn't because you drove my father away. Or the way you looked at me. Or because you beat her. It was because I hated that you were a part of me, that I would never be good." Tears welled up in her eyes, but she had to finish this; she couldn't stop now. "That I would never have anything good. And everytime I look at Sawyer, everytime I _feel _something for him. I see _you_ Wayne. And it makes me sick!" Kate spat as tears leaked from her eyes. She had no control, perhaps she didn't want to have control right now.

"That's about the sweetest thing I've heard." Sawyer said as he squinted his eyes open, so he could look at her from beneath his lashes.

"Sawyer?" A smile worked it's ways on Kate's lips. An odd feeling inside of Kate made her realised, that maybe she was a little bit too happy by the fact that Sawyer was Sawyer. And not Wayne. And maybe she was a little too happy he was awake. But too happy or not, she was relieved and happy he'd woken up while she saw there.

"Who the hell is Wayne?" Sawyer asked, taking in the sight around him. Kate chuckled, but didn't explain to him. That was a conversation she was not ready to have right now. "I'm in a bunk bed?" He then asked, as if it'd be the strangest thing on Earth.

"Yeah, you're in a bunk bed." Kate said, smiling. She probably looked like a fool right now. Her eyes were wet with tears and her foolish smile was the last thing to set the picture right. Yep, she was an idiot.

But once she saw Sawyers eyes look at hers, there was no return. He was awake, and he was at his right conciousness. There was not one tiny bit of her, thinking he wouldn't be okay. Sawyer was a fighter, a warrior.

"Are we saved?" Sawyer asked, causing Kate's smile to vanish. His eyes were full of hope; and Kate hated the fact that she was the one who'd to take it away; to slowly suffocate the fire in his eyes.

"No Sawyer, not yet." Kate explained, hoping he wouldn't faint or somehow fall back into the never-ending-sleep he'd been in since Eko brought him back.

Sawyer blinked several times, slowly realising she wasn't kidding. This situation was overwhelming, not only for him; for everyone. And a part of him wanted to let loose and cry in front of her. He was sick of this, sick of being stuck on this island, nowhere to be find. Not a soul knew where they were; or where to begin searching for them. It was tempting to do something reckless sometimes; when some days were harder to get through than others. When it felt like everything went wrong and nothing would ever go back to the way it was before the crash.

He sighed and broke eye-contact. Kate saw only one thing to do. One thing that possibly could make it all better.

She leaned down, slowly, capturing her lips with his into a soft, gentle kiss. She was relieved when he didn't pull back, instead she could feel him relax and put in a little more pressure to the kiss. His right hand locked around her neck, pulling her closer to him and within the next few seconds, Kate straddled him. She was careful to not put any weight on his shoulder. In fact, she was careful all together. Sawyer was still weak from his accident, and if the kiss was as intoxicated to him as it was to her; he'd be out on deep waters right now.

When Kate broke away for air, their foreheads rested together and their eyes were locked with eachothers. A shy smile appeared on Kate's lips when she realised exactly what she'd done.

Seconds went by, feeling like hours as Kate and Sawyer sat in the same position as they did earlier. Kate was the one who broke away this time, reaching for the side of the bed, she climbed off Sawyer and a feeling of loss swept over her. The touch of his lips still lingered on hers. The feeling of his hand around her neck still sent shivers down her spine. And the way her heart pounded in her chest still echoed in her ears. But what she was going to hear next, was nothing compared to anything she'd ever experienced before. It was three words she'd been dreaming to hear.

"I love you,"

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_Pretty much like the episode, though I put in my own wishes and actions in there. God, I would have loved if they put in a Skate kiss in that moment, instead of having Jake kiss before she went back. Seriously, Skate is meant to be - not Jake. Just saying. _

_Anyways - I hope you like it. And remember, review is love! XOXO _


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